Nevis, Tennis Balls and the Grief Nobody Warned Me About

He was a dog who could find the Robertson Hotel by scent alone, because when he got there, the publican would always slip him a steak.

Every teenager at the local high school knew him by name, and he helped them dispose of the scraps from their lunch. He'd leave with cuddles, a tummy full of contraband snacks (according to Mum), and absolutely no regrets.

When at home with the kids, and our friends and family he would lure unsuspecting victims into a game of never ending tennis ball fetch. It would go on forever. It was his superpower.

He was no match for a fence. He hated baths. He hated hairdryers more. And he loved our two kids with everything he had.

When he got sick with an autoimmune disease that slowly took his mobility — we made the hardest decision you can make for someone you love. We let him go. And I won't pretend that I recovered quickly, because I didn't. Grief for a dog is real, and it is long, and anyone who hasn't felt it can't quite understand the shape of the hole they leave. I also didnt seek support for myself, which I deeply regret.

This week, seven years on, I took a step I wasn't sure I'd ever be ready for. My partner Daniel and I brought a new pup home. I'm still tender about it, hopeful and terrified in equal measure.

Which is exactly why my colleague Deb's words in the below blog post for this week stopped me in my tracks. If you've ever loved and lost a pet, I think they'll stop you too.

Grieving the Loss of a Pet:

If you’re reading this, you may be experiencing the pain of losing an animal companion and your feelings are valid and important. The loss of a beloved pet is a profound form of grief, backed by decades of research. This article explores what we know about pet loss grief and offers practical strategies to help you through this difficult time.

Why Pet Loss Hurts So Much

Research consistently shows that grief following pet loss can be as intense as grief from other significant losses in our lives. A landmark 2026 study published in PLOS One found that pet loss grief mirrors human bereavement so closely that symptoms of Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) manifest in identical ways — regardless of whether the loss was a person or a pet.

This isn’t surprising when you consider what your pet meant to you:

• Deep attachment: Pets offer unconditional companionship and love. They are often present through major life transitions — childhood, illness, moves, relationship changes, and other challenges.

• Daily routines: Pets structure our days. Feeding, walking, playing, and caring for them become woven into our identity and daily rhythm.

• Unique bond: The relationship is uncomplicated and non-judgmental — your pet loved you without condition.

Research confirms that the stronger your attachment to your pet, the more intense your grief is likely to be. This is not weakness, it reflects the depth of your bond.

What You Might Experience

Grief following pet loss commonly involves:

• Sadness and emptiness: Feeling the profound absence of your companion

• Guilt: Questioning decisions made about their care, or around end-of-life choices such as euthanasia

• Anger or frustration: Sometimes directed at the situation, yourself, or others who don’t understand your loss

• Physical symptoms: Difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, low energy, or lack of motivation

• Waves of emotion: Grief isn’t linear. You may feel okay one moment and overwhelmed the next

These experiences are normal. A systematic review of pet loss research identified five key themes in pet bereavement: the relationship you shared, the grief itself, feelings of guilt, the supports available to you, and adjusting to your future without your pet. But grief is unique, like the relationship itself, and sometimes we feel it differently to others.

Disenfranchised Grief: When Your Loss Isn’t Recognised

One of the most painful aspects of pet loss is that grief isn’t always validated by others. You may hear comments like “it was just a pet” or “you can always get another one.” This lack of acknowledgment is called disenfranchised grief and it can significantly complicate your healing.

Research shows that disenfranchised grief intensifies the experience of loss. Without social recognition or rituals (such as bereavement leave or community support), grieving pet owners can feel isolated, ashamed, and unsupported. Your grief deserves recognition. The bond you shared with your pet was real, and so is your loss.

Pet Loss and the Role of the Workplace

Earlier this year, Australian cookbook author and RecipeTin Eats founder Nagi Maehashi stepped back from work to be by the side of her golden retriever Dozer in his final days. When Dozer passed away, the outpouring of public grief was overwhelming and sparked a national conversation about whether workplaces should better support employees through pet bereavement, with experts pointing to NSW's Psychosocial Safety Legislation as a framework for doing exactly that.

Strategies to Support Your Grieving

1. Allow Yourself to Feel

Rather than pushing grief away or trying to “move on,” research suggests that moving toward your pain experiencing your emotions fully supports a healthier grieving journey. Give yourself permission to cry, feel sad, or feel angry. Grief takes time, and there is no set timeline.

2. Acknowledge the Reality

Accepting the full reality of your loss may take weeks or months. Be patient and kind with yourself as you adjust to life without your companion.

3. Maintain Self-Care

• Keep up daily routines and structure

• Exercise regularly — it supports both mood and physical health

• Maintain sleep and eating patterns as much as possible

• Limit caffeine and avoid using alcohol or substances to cope

• Spend time in nature or with supportive people

4. Create a Meaningful Ritual or Memorial

Many people find comfort in:

• Creating a photo album or memory box

• Planting a tree or garden in their pet’s honour

• Writing about your memories together

• Donating to an animal shelter or rescue in your pet’s name

• Creating an online memorial

5. Seek Connection and Support

• Tell people you trust about your loss and what you’re experiencing

• Join a pet loss support group (online or in-person)

• Connect with others who understand — many find comfort in communities of people grieving pets

• Consider speaking with a mental health professional if your grief feels overwhelming

6. Consider Continuing Bonds

Research shows that maintaining a connection to your pet’s memory — through photos, stories, or remembering their personality — can be a healthy part of grief. This doesn’t mean you’re “stuck”; it’s a way of honouring the relationship and integrating the loss into your life.

7. Be Patient With Triggers

Certain times, places, or activities may bring grief rushing back — their favourite walking route, mealtimes, or their birthday. Anticipate these moments and have a self-care plan ready.

When to Seek Professional Help

While grief is a normal process, please consider speaking with a mental health professional if you notice:

• Your grief is persistent and interferes with your ability to function day-to-day

• You’re experiencing symptoms of depression that don’t improve over time

• You’re isolating yourself or losing interest in activities you usually enjoy

• You’re having thoughts of harming yourself

Grief counselling or therapy can provide valuable support during this time.

Australian Resources for Support

Free Grief Support

Griefline (griefline.org.au): Free nationwide telephone support for Australians 18+, including a dedicated pet loss page. Call 1300 845 745, 8am–8pm, 7 days a week.

NALAG Grief Support (nalag.org.au): Free telephone and face-to-face grief support, including for pet loss. Based in NSW with online options available.

Beyond Blue (beyondblue.org.au): 1300 22 4636 — available 24/7 for emotional support if grief is feeling overwhelming.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 — available 24/7 for crisis support.

Pet Loss Counselling (Australia)

Pets and People (petsandpeople.com.au): Australian directory connecting pet owners with qualified pet loss counsellors.

Rest Your Paws (restyourpaws.com.au): Specialist pet grief counselling with online sessions, run by an accredited PACFA counsellor.

Forever in My Heart Pet Loss Counselling (foreverinmyheartpetlosscounselling.com.au): Online pet bereavement counselling available Australia-wide, including a free pet loss support group.

International Online Support

Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (aplb.org): Chat rooms, resources, and online memorials.

Lap of Love (lapoflove.com): Free weekly virtual support groups and individual pet loss coaching.

Recommended Reading

• Saying Good-Bye to the Pet You Love — Lorri A. Greene, Ph.D.

• Goodbye, Friend — Gary Kowalski

• Grieving the Death of a Pet — Betty Carmack

Moving Forward

Grieving your pet is an act of love. The pain you feel reflects the joy and companionship they brought to your life. With time, support, and self-compassion, the intensity of your grief will soften. You’ll always miss them — and that’s okay. Many people find that eventually, the sharp pain transforms into warm memories and gratitude for the time you shared.

You don’t have to grieve alone. Reach out, be gentle with yourself, and know that what you’re experiencing is a valid, normal response to a real and significant loss.

If you would like to speak with a psychologist or counsellor about your grief and you would rather seek local support, the team at is here to support you.