How do I stop being lazy? (You're probably not… but here's what’s really going on)

“Why am I so lazy?”

It’s a question we hear often and you might even say it to yourself more than you’d like to admit. But here's the good news: you're probably not lazy. You're likely stuck in a loop that has less to do with personal flaws and more to do with how your brain forms habits, responds to motivation, and manages being overwhelmed.

This blog brings together powerful insights from James Clear’s Atomic Habits, The Motivation Myth by Jeff Haden, Tim Urban’s “Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator”, and Brendan Mahan’s concept of the Wall of Awful. Let’s explore what’s really going on behind “laziness” and how to change the narrative.

Laziness Isn’t a Personality—It’s a Pattern

What we call laziness is often the by-product of poorly aligned systems or environments, not a deep character flaw. As James Clear reminds us in Atomic Habits, "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems." That means our repeated daily actions (usually automatic and unconscious) determine what we call our “motivation”.

In short: you’re not lazy; your systems are working against you.

The Wall of Awful: Why You Freeze Before You Begin

Brendan Mahan introduces a compelling idea called the “Wall of Awful”. The wall of awful is a metaphorical wall made up of every past failure, shame spiral, disappointment, and rejection tied to a specific task or habit.

Think of this wall as built from:

• Missed deadlines

• Negative feedback

• Avoidance cycles

• Internalised guilt

• Harsh self-talk

Each time you avoid a task and feel bad about it, a brick is added. Over time, the wall grows so high that just thinking about the task triggers anxiety, shame, or paralysis. Your nervous system doesn't see a to-do list it sees danger. Our primitive brain is trained to do everything it can to avoid danger. This means every act of omission (not doing something) helps us have a dopamine burst of hooray I avoided something bad happening, I should do that (nothing) again to stay safe.

This isn’t laziness. It’s an emotional obstacle. And the solution isn’t more willpower it’s more kindness (and kind self-talk).

How Do You Get Over the Wall?

You have three choices:

1. Climb it (but it takes a lot of effort),

2. Go around it (use a workaround, like asking for help), or

3. Blow a hole in it with kindness and understanding.

That last one is essential.

Self-compassion is not indulgence. It’s a tool for momentum. Treat yourself like someone you care about.

Replace self-criticism with curiosity:

• “Why am I avoiding this?”

• “What fear or shame is this triggering?”

• “What’s one kind step I can take forward?”

What’s Really Driving Your “Laziness”?

Let’s unpack a few other key culprits.

1. You’re Expecting Motivation to Come First

A common myth is that we need to feel motivated before we act. But that’s backward.

Motivation often comes after action not before. — The Motivation Myth

Jeff Haden argues that motivation is a reward, not a prerequisite. You don’t wait to feel like working out; you show up, get moving, and then feel motivated. It’s the success, not the spark, that creates energy.

The real trick? Start anyway, even if it’s small. Let momentum do the rest.

2. Your Brain is Playing the Instant Gratification Game

In Tim Urban’s TED talk, he introduces us to the “Instant Gratification Monkey” the part of your brain that prioritizes dopamine hits (Netflix, TikTok, endless scrolling) over delayed rewards (finishing an assignment or hitting a fitness goal).

The solution? Don’t fight the monkey, work with it. Use strategies like:

• Temptation bundling (e.g., only watch your favourite show while walking on the treadmill).

• Micro-habits (start with just 2 minutes of the task).

• Visual habit tracking (small wins feel good and retrain your brain).

  
  

3. Your Habits Lack a Cue and a Reward

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  James Clear’s habit loop framework helps us understand how our behaviours become automatic.

If your positive habits are missing a clear cue or satisfying reward, your brain won’t register them as worth repeating. Meanwhile, negative habits (doom-scrolling, late-night snacking) often have perfect loops: they’re obvious, easy, and instantly satisfying.Want to stop being “lazy”? Fix the loop. Want to start being kinder to yourself? Start where you are.

 It’s Not About Willpower, It’s About Identity

This is the deepest layer. True change comes when your actions align with who you believe yourself to be.

“I’m just lazy” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. “I’m becoming the kind of person who shows up even when it’s hard” is empowering.

James Clear calls this identity-based habit change:

Don’t focus on the outcome (“I want to run a marathon”) or the process (“I need to run 3x a week”). Focus on becoming the type of person who does those things (“I am a runner.”)

Replace words like “I can’t” with “I presently struggle with” and “I will”

Each time you show up for even 2 minutes, you cast a vote for that identity.

How to Break the Cycle

Tell yourself, first and foremost

“Nothing changes if nothing changes”

“If you always do what you always did, you always get, what you always got”

Here’s how you can start rebuilding your systems today:

Principle	Practice
Make it Obvious	Set a cue: e.g., put your journal on your pillow to write before bed.
Make it Attractive	Link tasks to dopamine: e.g., use music, candles, or gamified apps.
Make it Easy	Follow the 2-minute rule. Just open the doc. Just put on your shoes.
Make it Satisfying	Track your progress visually. Use rewards that reinforce identity.

And remember:

“The first mistake is never the one that ruins you. It’s the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows.” Atomic Habits

Be gentle. Never miss twice. Kindness is the antidote to shame and the foundation for sustained change.

Final Thoughts: Replace Shame with Strategy

The language we use to describe ourselves matters. Calling yourself “lazy” doesn’t help. Understanding your brain’s reward loops, emotional walls, and the science of habits does.

You’re not lazy. You’re human. And with the right systems and a lot of self-compassion you can move forward.

Want support with this?

Our team of psychologists at Conscious Health Clinic can help you uncover the roots of procrastination, break through emotional walls, and reshape your habits and identity through science-backed strategies.

Book a session today and let’s talk about the habits shaping your life—for better or worse.

Want to Go Deeper?

Here are the powerful videos that inspired this post:

1. Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator - Tim Urban Watch here

2. How to Get Motivated - Jeff Haden Watch here

3. Why Motivation is a Myth - Better Ideas Watch here

4. The Wall of Awful - Brendan Mahan Watch here